Aches and Belief

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Chapter 1

Poem

I close my eyes;
I let my mind and heart start chasing
because my mind is taking me in all these directions
with my heart racing
and with love oozing out of each hour that passes
I can feel myself drifting away
into shadows and engulfed by masses.

It's such a hard thing to swallow
because even though I'm better than I was months ago
I feel constantly out of breath
and yet somehow I remain happy about that though
because through the numbness
there's this belief that maybe- maybe I'll be better
and even if I don't get better- even if I'm unlovable
then at least I won't have fallen from all the constant kicks that result from writing yet another love letter.
However, it's still hard for me to deal with
and I would be lying if I said that I'm now confident in what will happen
because I do have those moments where I cry at night
wishing for all the ache to go away, but that's just a myth
because the worst part of those nights is when I happen to be that unlovable girl.

So I guess, what's left to say is that I'm better
but I'm heartbroken.

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