5 Things That I Should Have Said Tonight.

Chapter 1

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i) some days i want to reach inside of myself and tear apart my soul searching for the reason behind my existence. i think the only thing stopping me from doing this is the constant fear that maybe i will find nothing. maybe it's not there. maybe that is why i feel so hollow.

ii) you are the sky and i think i'm supposed to tell you what i am now but it doesn't really matter because i am nothing. i am a trophy in some massively f♥cked up game that you have concocted, and now i don't even know if you see me as a person or as something to be won.

iii) nicotine is a loyal lover. so is my typewriter. so are the silver gleaming paintbrushes in my drawers. i think i shall stick to loving a collection of words spilled over my arms at four in the morning. lately, they have been more trustworthy than people.

iv) you need to learn to stop praying for forever. pray for a clean break- an ending with a goodbye kiss and an embrace that marks the end of all contact. pray for the clear morning after the night of aching storms, pray for tears that run out. pray for an ending.

v) you are the one i have always been writing for.

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