My Immortal - With Commentary by Yours Truly!
Yep, I'm bored, and I came across my Immortal again, so I thought, why not? =P
There have been a few other people on here who've done commentaries, and they were quite amusing, so I thought I'd give it a shot too. X)
This is some messed up fanfiction written by the infamous, Tara Gilesbie. Perhaps one of the best trolls of all time, that, or she had absolutely no idea how the HP series went! XD
My commentary is all the bolded words.
Read for the lulz and enjoy!
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik totally "goffik", I can tell) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling she could have helped with the plot too... no? OK U rok! yay! =D Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! Yay! Another shout out! MCR ROX! Basically, everything "rox" and we're all cool.
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Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way ahhh, I can see your parents chose your name randomly outta a hat, maybe they were playing Mad Libs at the time? Also, ain't dementia a mental illness? I guess that explains your dress sense down below and I have long ebony black hair I thought ebony was already black? (that’s how I got my name cos of course babies have black hair when they're born) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here! aww, but you're discouraging potential readers here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fùcking hottie ohh, lets bring in the incest!. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England actually it's in Scotland somewhere where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there but, aren't you were a witch? They don't shop at Hot Topic last time I checked. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots and were you giving free lap dances too?. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation cos you weren't already pale enough, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining wait, it can snow and rain at the same time?! so there was no sun I would have thought so, I mean, you're witnessing an impossible meteorological phenomenon here, lady!, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. That was rude, you're the one who's dressed like a stripper, you can't blame them for staring.
“Hey Ebony!†shouted a voice. you know, a voice I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! DRAMATIC SUSPENSE AS WE ALL TAKE THAT IN!
“What’s up Draco?†I asked. Yeah, sup, bro?
“Nothing.†he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. wow, talk about leaving someone hanging...
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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! Evidently the author totally ignored the people reviewing this.
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Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way ahhh, I can see your parents chose your name randomly outta a hat, maybe they were playing Mad Libs at the time? Also, ain't dementia a mental illness? I guess that explains your dress sense down below and I have long ebony black hair I thought ebony was already black? (that’s how I got my name cos of course babies have black hair when they're born) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here! aww, but you're discouraging potential readers here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fùcking hottie ohh, lets bring in the incest!. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England actually it's in Scotland somewhere where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there but, aren't you were a witch? They don't shop at Hot Topic last time I checked. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots and were you giving free lap dances too?. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation cos you weren't already pale enough, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining wait, it can snow and rain at the same time?! so there was no sun I would have thought so, I mean, you're witnessing an impossible meteorological phenomenon here, lady!, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. That was rude, you're the one who's dressed like a stripper, you can't blame them for staring.
“Hey Ebony!†shouted a voice. you know, a voice I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! DRAMATIC SUSPENSE AS WE ALL TAKE THAT IN!
“What’s up Draco?†I asked. Yeah, sup, bro?
“Nothing.†he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. wow, talk about leaving someone hanging...
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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! Evidently the author totally ignored the people reviewing this.
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33 Comments
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Hmmmmm.
Okay, you know what? I'm tempted very sorely to write a version of this that's...better. XD There are bits and pieces that actually could work really well IF manipulated properly.
Ah, hello sir, you've been gone for a while. X)
Better you say? Ha! If you think you can beat something I knocked up at 3am after an alnighter, so be it, give it your best shot! Muah ha ha! >:)
XD Oh, I don't mean your commentary. I didn't see that much wrong with it. XD
I meant a better version of My Immortal. XD There's POSSIBLY something good in the "Stuffy sheltered rich kid gets seduced away from his conservative family values" concept, and that's the only way you could POSSIBLY explain Malfoy's sudden interest in Good Charlotte, kind of. XD
The storyline may, however, see significant alterations...XD
You got me a bit worried there, this is like a masterpiece! >:D Actually, no, it's not, I spotted a few errors in my commentary, but, those are just details you can smooth over with bacon grease. :P
I dunno man, I think this is too messed up to be saved, though you do have a point with the rich kid being seduced from family values, thing, sorta. XD So that's a rather big POSSIBLY.
More like a total rewrite, oh, have you seen the comics made of this? They're hilarious, albeit short! XD
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This is literally the worst fanfic I've ever read! I love the commentary though hahaha XD
Hahhhahahahahahaha more chapters please
Lol, this is hilarious XD
Indeed.
*What.
Damn it....
Indeed, but it is fun, in a way. Whtd do you all do in that time you stay awake?
Damn their existence.
I suppose, it depends how tired you are though, for one ceases to function after a little while. X) I hang around the internet, mostly. Being an internet addict has kinda contributed to my already nightowl/bat nature. =P
How far can you go without rest? Someone I know can stay in that state for at leas, say, 4 days. Give or take.
Why are all of these storie's grammar so horrid?
Well, I've done 48 hours before, but that's about my limit so far. I tend to not go anything above 24ish hours, most of the time, it depends on what I'm doing. 4 days is a long time to be awake!
Illiterate authors I assume. X)
I shall try them out 'morrow. It is getting a tad bit late for me, so I might log off for now.
Lol, yeah, I'm getting tired, pulled off an alnighter again. X)