How to: relationship (a guide for forever alone people)

Don't take my advice on anything, I've kissed as many guys as a nun.

Chapter 3

Living err... together... as a couple. For real

by: FerSure
Now, I know that I don't have much experience with relationships wait for the one random commenter to say that I've never even had a relationship

Yes, you in the back, you are absolutely right, but you're also wrong! I may be one of the most unattractive, disgusting and annoying human beings on the planet, but I do have lots of experience in dealing with annoying people, so I can totally back my statements in this chapter with solid proof.

Take this: as I type this little-rant, I am listening to an overgrown, prepubescent human of the female gender screeching- my bad, "singing" an ancient Nicki Minaj song, and for some strange reason, it's driving me insane. See, I don't know if it's because of the obscenity and emptiness of the lyrics or if it's because the person "singing" it doesn't even understand a word of what she's saying.

Sister: I'm a bad b=tch, I'm a c8nt
And I'll kick that hoe, punt

Me: Do you even know what that means?

Sister: Wat

Yeah, our school isn't very big on teaching kids how to speak English...

Anyways, back to what actually matters, here go some tips when it comes to living with a significant other:

1. Be honest from the very beginning

You don't want to wait until the day they move in to tell them about your weird cat obsession, specially if they are allergic to cats.

2. Set boundaries

You also don't want them eating your last chocolate, so the candy pantry is off-limits.

3. Before they move in, make sure you two get along enough to spend an entire day together

Or else, you'll end up locking your siste- err, I mean partner in a tiny, dark room
I blew my cover, abort mission, I repeat, ABORT MISSION!

But seriously, get to know them well enough. If they still listen to 2010 Nicki Minaj songs or Justing Bieber- or god forbid, they diss classical music- you do NOT want to share your living space with this waste of... cellular data.

4. On religious beliefs

If they do not believe in Shrek, our love, our life, they are not worthy of living under your roof. As simple as that.

5. In the case of Nutella...

Your partner is to be the main Nutella provider in the house, and I don't care if they're male or female, if they don't bring the Nutella home, they get the boot.

Well, that's all I can come up with... if anyone has any extra suggestions, they are welcome to let me know @ihateVEGETABLES on Quibblo (oh for hipsters' sake, this isn't YouTube, just click on the 'comment' area or shoot me a private message if you feel your image will be tarnished by commenting on a relationship advice post)


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