How to: relationship (a guide for forever alone people)

Don't take my advice on anything, I've kissed as many guys as a nun.

Chapter 2

More on Cuddling, Because I Am Cece the Cuddling Connoiseur

by: FerSure

Please, please check that out. It contains my three favourite things:
1. attention seeking
2. bad grammar
3. awful 2012 scene/emo relationship drama

Ah, the classics, they never get old!

To anyone out there, reading this, the only true way to get your romantic partner to stay is by putting up a "cuddle buddy application form" up in a social site. You're welcome for the free tip, by the way.

If you all want to be taken by tomorrow, 11:11PM, you should all fill out the application form (pls it only takes ten seconds to tell the world all of your personal information) and please follow the example I gave, and for your favourite cuddling position, feel free to take any of the ones posted in Chapter 1. If none of those really appeal to you (which is highly unlikely, since everyone loves the Shrek), have some more!

1. The Shia Labeouf

Do not shower for ten weeks, let beard grow and proceed to find a cuddle partner anywhere from 15-20 years younger. Finally, when partner complains, eat them like an actual cannibal (Shia Labeouf)

2. The Quibblo

When cuddling process has started, disappear.

3. The White Boy

Cuddle as usual, but use the following phrases from time to time:

-"haha and then what ;)?"
-(in case your partner says they have to shower) "aww without me?"
-"wats ur bra size?"

And if you really want to step up your game (don't try this if your relationship isn't serious), you could throw in a subtle

"no homo"

4. The Fifty Shades of Grey

Let your inner goddess out for a while, but say it was your subconscious when you fall on your face and get abused by a 27-year-old rich guy.

5. The Anaconda

Wrap your slippery, flexible body around your partner as you whisper in their ear, "My anadonda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun"

6. The Kanye West

When you're in your Kanye Nest, and feel your Kanye Best, take your Kanye Vest off and nuzzle into your own Kanye Chest.

Okay so that's it for this chapter! I know, these suck, but I wanted you to check out that story at the very top of the chapter, and give it puts on Careless Whisper by George Michael the love ;)

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