"Expectation is the root of all heartache"

Chapter 1

......

it's so hard to explain,
and i try not to think about it because then i start to feel pterodactyls in my feet,
banging against my skeleton and rising to my stomach,
creating storms within me that make my heart ache.
but the first time i saw you,
i felt my hands begin to shake and my heart f♥cking dropped,
because i was so not prepared,
and i had never before seen eyes so filled with the glory light from the storm-filled oceans outside my bedroom window,
and surely everyone else must have seen it too.
and sh♥t sweetheart, i skipped around the outskirts of my feelings for so long,
because let's face it,
i have a bad habit of turning off how i feel if i think i don't deserve it,
but then every feeling came spilling out and i think my heart damaged itself by trying to escape my chest that night.

i fall apart too much, and yes it is a disgrace,
and yes i am just made of failed salvation,
but you are a galaxy and you are so perfect.
i never found out if it was possible to stop loving a person,
i only know that it is possible to cut yourself off from the world,
and that a few months ago i was so f♥cking messed up that that's what i did.
i am sorry that i seem cold and i am sorry that i talk like i live on mars,
and i'm sorry that i let the devils drag me to a point where i can't connect with people like i used to,
and i am addicted to heartbreak and to storms,
so maybe i'm the one to blame for expecting far too much.

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