You look at me like I'm a crime scene.

Chapter 1


i don't think you even comprehend exactly what i am feeling right now.
three months ago you touched her arm;
just a touch, lightly brushed against it, nothing more,
and yet my heart almost leapt out of my chest and tore itself in two
right before my eyes.
and i'm sorry, okay?
i'm really, really sorry that i walked away just because i got sadder;
it wasn't an excuse and it's still not but i feel like every second i spend near you will just break you a little more,
and i'm sorry that i turned your name into salt water in my lungs because it wasn't fair,
and i'm sorry that i turned raindrops into the ocean,
and i'm sorry that i thought i needed someone else to help me keep my head above the water,
and i'm sorry,
i'm so so so so so so so so so so unbelievably sorry,
but there is a ghost in my heartbeat and it is you,
and i can still hear you walking around inside my heart,
and i'm sorry because it doesn't make any sense,
and i'm sorry because she is a good person and she doesn't arrive at school with bruises on her arms,
and i'm sorry that i couldn't let myself be okay,
and i'm sorry that you're the boy in my head and my heart and i'm sorry that i love you through the stars in your eyes and the blood on your wrists.

but your eyes are like hell,
because you look at me like i'm a murderer.
in truth,
if this love were a crime scene,
you'd be the one holding the gun.


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