So I decided to twist up the style of this poem a bit with some aspects of repetitive phrases and other devices. Let me know if you like this or don't.

Honest opinions please!
Criticism is highly wanted!


Chapter 1


There is this girl who sits at home
Inside her room, inside her room
Where she lets her thoughts roam
Creating gloom, creating gloom.

The girl can see the darkness coming
And it is too fast, oh it is too fast
For her to shield herself from the numbing
Unless she falls, unless she falls into its blast.

The girl waits in fear of this
Screaming names, screaming names
That only seems to come out in a quiet hiss
For no one to hear, for no one to hear her cries from these burning flames.

She is scorched inside the dark fire
Her monsters coming alive, her monsters coming alive
Reminding the girl she doesn't get the freedom to desire
Because she won't survive, no she won't survive.

The monsters come at her, their eyes glowing in hunger
For power and pain, for power and pain
Until the girl flashes back to when she was younger
With memories that explain, with memories that explain.

The monsters play with the girl's mind
To make her think the happiness was a lie, it was a lie
In hope to make her blind
So she will die, so she will die.

The shadows form into a cloud
Around this girl, around this girl that doesn't care
Because the voices are too loud
And nobody is there, no nobody is there.

The darkness and monsters now lurk through her head
And that is all, yes that is all
Since they tortured here until she was dead
So she could fall, so she could fall.

It was murder--
It was murder.


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