I Just Want to Feel Good Enough

I... just... I just cant. :( I just CAN'T.

Chapter 1

I'm Sorry...

I just want to feel good enough for someone. Not even for my family let alone everyone else. My mum would rather be on the phone praising someone else's daughter when I'm here crying in need of attention that I KNOW isnt coming. Im always that girl who always somehow ends up walking behind the group of friends. The one that always ends up replaced. The one that nobody wants to get close to. The one that's always left out. The one that's a misfit even WITHIN the f--king misfits. In the church, in my home, EVERYWHERE.

Even when I think finally I have someone who understands, they get bored of me and replace me. "We love you." they say "we care", "you're just reading people wrong, they love you really" Heard it all before... Its funny that their actions completely contradicts that. Because no matter what I will ALWAYS be second choice to SOMETHING. Nobody will ever care if I leave because im never that valuable to anyone. I always have to be the one to make the effort to be friends with someone and as soon as I stop, the friendship just dies. They don't make the effort back or anything. Not one single person.

And when I stand up for myself its not like the movies where they respect that and come back to you or try to make amends, no. They go on their way. They don't f--king care, they just go "well f--k you" and walk off. But its not like I can easily make new friends when its virtually everyone.

Is this what I am? Just unimportant? Disposable? For once I just want someone to NEED me, VALUE me. Right now Im a worthless existence and just THERE but I suppose nobody will let me die. It'd just make them feel guilty. Ya know I can't think of one person on this Earth that loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. Im always walking on eggshells and as soon as I screw up once Im shown the door but everyone else gets so many chances even when they dont deserve it, and they're so loved and i HATE it!

Im ALWAYS. F--KING. TREATED. LIKE. AN OUTCAST. And I always will be.

And if I can't confess it on here than where can I?


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