Writing Help/Character Critque (Need questions and characters to critque)

Chapter 8

Character Critique 3

Name: William (Will) Shannon

Age: 22

Gender: M

Appearance: Tan skin, short dark hair, dark eyes, about 6'3", 200lbs athletic build, wears black clothes/combat armor and combat boots

I feel like I don't have enough information on what he looks like but this is very vague. He looks too perfect and by his looks, seems like the kind of guy that every girl looks for. Try adding more details on particular facial features and give him imperfections in like weird birthmarks or scars. If you need help, here's a good website that helps me: http://tinyurl.commmz3uon

Personality/traits: Brave, selfless, caring, quiet, tough, quick-thinking, relatively short temper, honorable, determined

Again, this isn't enough information for me to judge well but if this is all he is, he might seem like a boring character. These are some of the most common character traits in a person and everyone isn't obviously the same person. Giving your character a personality is a very hard thing to do but what you have to remember is that your characters in your book are just the same as the guy sitting next to you, they're people too, whether they're in your mind or not. Here are some good links to help you out: http://tinyurl.coml9hu63o and http://tinyurl.com/le2jj7z

Back story: His mother was sixteen, got pregnant by accident and put him up for adoption. He considers his adopted parents (Paul and Kate) to be his real parents. Also Kate had a baby about ten years after Will was adopted. Lacey is now six years old and nothing matters more to Will than her safety and happiness

I would like to know more. How did Will feel growing up and finding out he was adopted? What are some fun memories? What are somethings he regrets?

Actions/behavior/worldview: Protective, just, strong morals, takes matters into his own hands when he doesn't like how something is happening, has a hard time accepting any situation he can't control

Purpose in plot: Defender/protector

Seems just like a cliche purpose. He has to have SOME other purpose.

Story: Zombie apocalypse

Interactions with other important characters: Either gets along with them or puts them in their place, takes it upon himself to enforce justice

Any enemies?

Problems you have with this character: I feel like he's too "Mary Sue" and I need to modify him but I'm not sure how
also here's a link to the story: http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/jgHCgJs/A-World-of-Chaos

He's an alright character. I would just edit what I said above and he should end up an interesting character. Yes, he is a little but Mary-Sue, but not in an extreme way, which is good. Sometimes it's hard to veer away from the slight Mary-Sue-ness but hopefully I helped a bit.

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