Chapter 1


she insists she is okay,
but on second thought, i do not think that even all the words and oceans
could fill her empty heart.
one morning i will wake up,
and i will ask her how she is doing.
like everyday, she will tell me she is fine;
she is doing well,
recovery is working,
she will be twelve days clean.
and for once she will mean it.

one day she will be able to go a whole week without skipping meals,
and she will be content she is still dancerthin,
and not swelling up like a tick trying to turn on thick tights.
one day she will have gone a week without picking up a blade,
figuring out her own strength and also how weak she can be.
one day she will be able to sit through a class without being sent into panic attacks
by a sideways glance from a boy outside the door.

maybe someday the way he kisses her will be enough to make her insecurities shut up,
maybe for once it'll work,
maybe their fingers will tangle together like seaweed
and they will bite down on honeysuckle
and catch each other like hay fever,
maybe someday she'll fall asleep at night,
maybe someday she'll finally be


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