Chapter 1


i apologise for not making you happy
and i am sorry that i was unable to save you.
recently i've been lighting up cigarettes with your name on them,
because i can feel you in my lungs.
you've always hated smoking, so perhaps i can smoke your name out of them.
so far it hasn't worked.
but on the plus side,
they say that each cigarette shortens your life span by one day.

there is a constant darkness around me and it is called depression.
you didn't notice it at first
but it is obvious now.
i am sorry for having depression.
i didn't want it.
it's like a big black hole,
and you tried to pull me out but i was too heavy
and you started falling too.
you let go.
i don't mind;
it's not something i would expect anyone to do for me.
it's much harder to be pulled out than it is to fall in.

i have grown accustomed to the darkness.
the tip of the cigarettes brighten it momentarily.


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