Funny Things to do while at Wal*Mart or as we rednecks call it Wally-World!

Warning: Some of the following will get you either

A. Kicked out of WalMart

B. Banned from Wal

C. Arrested.

D. Checked into Mental Hospital.

Use at your own caution.

Chapter 1


1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to play

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by licking everything in it

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,“I think we have a code 3 in housewares''. and see what happens

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re practicing for the Tour De France.

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say WOW! magic.

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles

24. Ask WalMart Employees if they sell walls. When they say no, then shout in their face "THEN WHY IN THE FREAKING HELL DO YOU CALL IT WALMART THEN????"

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upsidedown

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I need some tampons!!” He will be very confused if you are a guy and you do this! Embarrassed and speechless if you are a girl.

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?''

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle etc..

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics

45. Make a trail of tomato juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something quickly make off without a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!!''

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

51. Dress like a barbie doll. get a giant barbie doll box. stand in barbie doll box. when people pass by pop out and starting sing "I'm a Barbie girl In a barbie world!"

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk casually around the store

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling RED ROVER!

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror as you pick your nose

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible

59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women's signs on the front of the restrooms

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaw drop as you attempt to buy them

61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back.

67. Ask other customers for their coupons.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples crats when they dont realize it

70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of them and say: '' Oh god you're overpowering the perfume''

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man.” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend

80. Excesively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You digust me” Then walk and if you do this and youre a guy try to act as valley-girl-ish as possible

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your mulitple personalities.. have an english man a southern gal,someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time You have to use accents. They should sound like this: “Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time.(English)” “Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta stawrbox and get a coh-fea (New York)” Etc.

85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away as fast as you can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men’s department

91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn away

92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to {r@ p.e} you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a sprinkler.

96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shotgun.'' then walk away
97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.

98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this”

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone

100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?''

101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.

102. Flash mob in the middle of the store at the busiest time of day

103. Step one dress up like a baby. Step two get a stroller. Step 3 have friend push you around in the stroller

104. Dress up like Mr. Thomas, hide in a wardrobe, when people walk by jump out and scream "Welcome to Narnia" Warning: Might or might not get punched in face....depends on the person's reaction......

105. Cart Jousting Tournament

106. Go to the help desk. And ask whether or not you can book your wedding and/or wedding reception to be held in Wal

107. Dress up like famous celebrities and see if people ask you for your autograph.

108. Go to the store in the middle of the day dressed in your pjs

109. go in the middle of the night and laugh at people in their pjs or for walking funny cause they are tired and half asleep

110. Sneak up behind people while humming theme song from Jaws. dress up like shark while doing this..... scare the heck out of them

111. Have your friends dress up like cops. fake a crime scene. go far out as to using duct tape for a body outline and tomato soup as blood. use the keep out tape. do it in the middle of an aisle when the store is at it's busiest....even better have one of your friends lay on the ground pretending to be dead while on the outline.....hilarious!

112. Go into an aisle filled with singing toys....turn them all on at once then get into fetal position crying " MOMMY HELP ME! THE VOICES ARE BACK AGAIN!"


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