Finding The Remains (Book One of the Love Loss Betrayal Trilogy)
What if you lived in a society where there was no emotion? Adelinde Walsh does. As she nears her eighteenth birthday she is pulled into the dark secrets of her society. Can she learn to cope while regaining her emotions? Or will they tear her apart? While she is dealing with petty things in her everyday life can she be strong enough to face the truth and rebel for what's right? Or will she let it slip away?
Well It's Tuesday
I don't even bother to knock. I open the door. "Excuse me but-" Principal Dee starts to say then cuts himself off when he saw that it was me. "Adelinde, it's Tuesday. You have seen me three times already this week."
I extend my arms out as if saying 'so?'. Principal Dee sighs. "So who did you mange to offend this time?"
"Well technically I can't really actually offend someone," I point out. "I mean it kind of takes having emotion to be offended."
Principal Dee gives me a look of exasperation before continuing. "Which path are you going to follow?" Well that's a unexpected question. I shrug. "Maybe Ardour, I do have a passion for telling the truth."
To this Principal Dee gives a snort of disbelief. "Miss Walsh, let us go through this week okay?" I shrug and roll my eyes. "Sure," I say making the word an exaggerated length.
"Monday morning, you got sent here even before classes started. Why?" Okay, seriously? He already knows why.
"I punched Linda Hale," I say evenly. Principal Dee closes his eyes and breathes in slowly. "And why did you do that Adelinde?" Is he playing shrink?! That's low.
"She called me a sadist," I say to him looking and sounding bored. "It was incorrect." Principal Dee rummaged in his desk and pulls out a clear sheet of paper. Taking out his fountian pen he prepares himself to write.
"And how do you know that information was incorrect?" His voice sounds strained. People always do tend to show emotion around me, and most of the time the emotions were negative. Still I was pretty popular with my peers.
"I've been tested," I tell him. That caught Principal Dee off his guard. "The results showed that I was indeed not plagued with sadism." I see Principal Dee open his mouth, I know what he is going to ask. "I got tested two weeks ago. I think it's accurate and safe to say that I am not a sadist."
He gives off a sound that bore a remarkable resemblance to a strangled cat. "Next time you got sent to me was yesterday, first period. It literally took you twenty minutes to get sent back to me. What did you do?"
I put my feet on his desks. He doesn't seem very trilled about that either. "You already know all this," I say with what my mom would call a tone. "You tell me."
"I would prefer if you tell me Adelinde, I get to learn so many interesting things like how you have been tested for a psychological disorder." I sigh and pull a nail file out of my bag.
"Well," I said as I start to file my nails, "my first period is with Ms. Falconer, North American History In The Era Of Emotion." I blow on my nails. "Anyways I disagreed with what she was saying. I told her so."
"Whatsoever did Ms. Falconer say that upset you so much? And the full story, not a vague outline."
"Well she said, and I quote 'that the loss of feeling came from to many genetic defects such as aspergers and to many broken hearts from love and expectations'. I obviously disagreed with it."
"Adelinde, that is what is in your NAHITEOE textbook. For someone who is so concerned about information being correct that doesn't seem like a likely reason for you to be sent to me."
I shrug. "I have strong beliefs," I say evenly. Principal Dee gives me a look, "that you do," is what he says along with it. "So Adelinde," he says like he is about to ask a very important question. "What do you believe is the cause for humans loosing the ability to connect with their emotions?"
Oh buddy, he is asking for it. "Okay so we also learned about the Holocaust, which honestly shouldn't be in NAHITEOE curriculum. Anyways the author of 'Night', Elie Wiesel described the evils of the concentration camps with no fluff. It was just there unpolished. The prisioners eventually didn't even flinch when they saw fellow prisioners, no more than bones being flung on each other. Some of them children too. There is actually a psychological term for that; Emotional Isolation or Psychological Shutdown."
"Adelinde just get to the point," Principal Dee sighs. I was getting there you know. "Anyways the most damaging stage level or type of Psychological Shutdown is the third one or Developmental Trauma. It happens in early childhood. Now in 2102, twenty-three years before medical personals realized the emotional detachment and isolation in the general population, the child abuse rates were through the roof. Eighty-five percent of children ages three through ten were abused, fifty-eight percent were of the degree of endangerment such as stabbing, and being locked up with dangerous chemicals. The historical book 'A Child Called It' was a very good example of what this time was like. Add on discrimination whether though sexism, racism, or religion and it's no wonder we went into emotional overload. Also it is possible to pass on these traits down to your offspring. People have been needing no emotion to survive for a while, people needed to evolve to survive. Read Charles Darwin's book 'On The Origin Of Species'. It's all in there. About evolution and 'survival of the fittest' I mean."
I stop talking, I realize my feet are still on the desk. I decide to take them off, for professional purposes. Principal Dee is studying me. "Adelinde, that makes sense. Maybe I can see if the scientists and psychologists will look at it. I don't understand you though. You are such a bright girl, brilliant mind. You are athletic, and you are generally well liked by your peers. Why don't you have a passion? I mean you could possibly follow the Catecholamine, but with your talents it seems like a waste. Is liberalism your passion?"
Confession time. I have a passion. However everybody told me it was silly and immature. I wasn't allowed to do it anymore. My passion was climbing trees. In ninth grade I was basically banned from doing it.
I wasn't going to tell Principal Dee that though. I shake my head 'no' instead. "I don't know my passion," I tell him truthfully. I mean climbing trees apparently wasn't considered a passion so I didn't know mine. I loved the outdoors but I couldn't grow anything to save my life. Also 'exploring' wasn't really considered a passion either as it could be very dangerous and that was a Catecholamine trait. Also there was nothing really left to explore anymore.
"Fashion maybe," he suggests taking in my outfit. I was wearing dark Jean shorts, mid-thigh. I had on a red camisole and over it alight tan sweatshirt that hung of one shoulder. It had the words 'do what you love' printed on it. I remember buying it because of how much I loved the irony. I had on brown leather work boots and my wavy dark brown hair had a hot pink feather braided in. My make-up was light and barely noticeable. Everything about my appearance was perfect but not superficial.
I sigh. "Clothes are just clothes," I say. "I don't think fashion is my passion, I just like looking good."
"You are very prideful," Principal Dee says. I read his expression and quickly cut him off. "I already have been tested for narcissism." I hear the unsaid 'of course' in his sigh. "What were your results?"
I raise an eyebrow at him. Should he really ask? He would have probably been informed. I was the case he could not crack. It probably infuriated him. "Do you need ask?"
"Negative." He didn't ask, he said it with finality. "So the third time you were supposed to come in you bailed, why?" Is he really still on this?
"I broke Jenna Adam's nose in gym," I say quickly. I see Principal Dee starting to give me the disappointment look. "It is not what it sounds like," I add hastily. "I swear on my life."
I swear the look on Principal Dee's face was almost saying 'surprise me'. For once I actually did get sent out of class on accident. "Well we were playing volleyball and somehow, I don't know how, but somehow I ended up spiking her nose. Jenna got a massive nose bleed and I think her nose might have been broken." I get this all out in a rush. I still have some breath left after that so I add "I panicked," on as an afterthought.
"Okay and why were you sent to me this morning?," he asks tiredly. "Mr. Levin asked me why I didn't do my homework. I replied with 'it's Tuesday'. Apparently he doesn't appreciate my sense of humor."
"Adelinde," Principal Dee sighs. He sighs a lot. "Your smart mouth will get you in trouble one day."
"It kind of already has," I point out. "And yet Miss Walsh you never learn from it," he says tiredly.
I have a thick skull. It's very good at blocking out useless learning experiences.
"Now explain to me why you are here right now. Once you are done I will call your parents. We have something serious to discuss. All of us."
I feel a flicker of bubbling emotion come up, panic. I force it down thinking of all the stories of the people who had a downpour of emotions come at once. All totally off of their rocker. I did not want to end up like that.
I quickly go through what happened in Ms. Kill's class. When I'm done Principal Dee says my name tiredly. That is completely unnecessary. Ms. Kill was in the wrong too. You just don't slap a student.
"Adelinde, this isn't good at all but we are pushing up your Test." Wait the Test? The one that showed our strongest emotions? That was unheard of. You had to be eighteen for it. I stare at Principal Dee in disbelief, surely he was joking.
However I knew by his expression that this was no joke.