Um....Please Read? If You Want....I'm Having a Little Moment Here......

Chapter 1

Whoever Cares

When I was little, I was extremely bubbly and outgoing. I wasn't afraid to be embarrassed, I made friends easily, I didn't care what people thought about me. I had tons of friends. Most of them were guys. That was my personality until middle school. Something changed, I don't know what, but it turned things upside down. Now I'm really shy, I have only a close circle of friends. I take people opinions very seriously. I'm pretty much an introvert now. All but about three of my friends are girls. All of the friends I had that were guys went on to be those popular guys at my school, and I haven't talked to most of them for years. I doubt they remember me. I'm one of the only people I know that's never dated, or kissed or whatever before. I developed a fear of clowns. I barely talk unless I'm around my friends. It's harder for me to make friends. My worst fear is growing up, because as you grow, people change. What if all my friends change and leave me behind? I get nervous around people I don't know well, especially guys. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I'm also starting to get the impression I'm going to be forever alone...
I'm afraid of being hurt or used by people, and I think I'm too plain. Not pretty, ever. I'm a little underweight, I'm not anorexic or anything. What the hell happened?

My best friend is a guy, named J. He's also my neighbor. I've known him practically since I was three months old. Recently, I don't know what to say to him. He doesn't really talk to me about his life anymore. He had a girlfriend, and I didn't know about her until they broke up. We don't really talk unless one of my other friends is with us. She's the talkative one now, the theater nut, loves to sing. She lives right next door to him, while I live down the street. I think they get along better than J and I now. I feel like I'm going to lose J too, like the other guys. I don't want that to happen....He's really important to me. My other best friends are extremely busy, one is in marching band, and the other goes to an extremely academic high school that's different from mine. None of my friends ever really come over to my house. I hate/fear having to call people, because of something one of my friend's dad said to me in sixth grade
I'm having trouble trying to describe this. I've never told anyone how I feel exactly.
I don't comment on most things I read cause I have no idea what to say. Probably nobody will comment on this. I don't expect them to. All those comments on my other things? Haha, just a conversation with one person that goes on and on pretty much. Yup.
And I know this is nothing compared to some of you guys' lives, but I just wanted to get it out, so yeah.

People Change - For King & Country


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