I'm Sorry, So Sorry

Chapter 1

Why Bother?

I know; I haven't been the best -or even 'good'- friend.

But I've never had a true one, so don't expect that from me. In fact, don't expect anything from me.

If you think I'm a friend that'll encourage you from anything (like thinking about marriage with your crush), please don't. I won't. I'm going to bring reality down to you like a dozen shards of mirror. I've considered myself a realist when I was in grade one, heck even before I started kindergarten, that's why writing is hard for me.

If you think I'm going to support you for your love of your crush, I won't be the very best shipper. I will probably be discouraging you from thinking that way, because, let's be frank, not everyone has a Disney fairy tale ending.

If you think I'm going to go with your 'craziness' and childishness, I won't. I'm going to have an outburst about you being fake and making others notice you as an out-of-this-world kind of person. I'm sorry.

If you think I'm going to congratulate you about something, I'm not. I'm going to brand you as boastful. I'm an easily jealous person, what can I say?

She didn't know this - or she did, she just chose to ignore it. I'm sorry. Sorry for everyone, especially Keli. I know, it's too late. You've deleted, I checked your profile. It's probably my fault, and now Durfi and Dom are going to blame me, probably.

But you would probably want them to blame me, right? Well, remember that story about me being a 'legend'? That hurt. You know, I could've very well passed by then too. It was Christmas vacation, I could've gone to that province with my family. But still you called me selfish, thanks.

It's fake. Our friendship was fake, I knew. You felt like you were being forced because of the other two, didn't you? You probably thought they were going to think differently from you once we had a problem.

But this thing is for everyone.

I'm sorry, to the lots that I had a fight with. I can't even remember who you people are. I tried my hardest to forget the words you said, but I still remember all of it. Each and everyone. It hurts, but reality hurts even more.

And now you, you who think I'm rude. I know, but you don't have the guts to tell me, do you now? It's fun, intimidating people, thinking you're superior over them. When I joined Quibblo, I've always wanted to be like them. The people who had many friends, who was popular, who was influential.

Now I have lots of friends -not the close kind of friends- but I'm not influential. I'm probably popular among the Harry Potter fandom because of my straight-forward and blunt outbursts.

There's this one person here who's been close friends with me the longest. I can't dare to be mean to her, she's too nice. Too eerily nice that she seems to just shrug your faults. I know she's seen why people are mean to me, because I'm mean to them, but she never mentions it. She's way too lovely and nice for me to deserve her. I'm lucky - but my luck ends in a thin line. We'll probably never meet. She's all the way in Australia, and I'm here, surrounded by a literally crazy family member and more idiots from the stupidest place. You're one of the greatest people on here, and you deserve more than to be stuck by me. I know it - you're probably just staying friends with me because I'm clingy, right? I can't help it. I've never gotten such interactions with people like the way you do, and you're just so interesting and fun to talk with! I'm probably the reason why you don't have much close friends - they're afraid that once you get close with them, I'm going to notice them and get jealous, to the point that I'll hate them and judge them openly. You deserve more than me, but I'll probably stay close with you until you've had enough and gathered up enough guts to say it to me.

And there's this other one. She's great friends with Keli. She-- I don't know. She always types like this-- you know, sentences with a hyphen? Yeah-- like this. I'm probably doing it wrong, but she does it subconsciously anyway. She's closer friends with Keli than she's with me, so she's probably siding with her. But she's sarcastic in a way that you'll love. She's lovely, I promise. Lovely in a way that you can't describe without wanting to not be sappy.

I don't know what I can write about this friend, since we're not too close. But she's kind too, not kind like the first person I've written about from Australia, this one can have a blunt side. But she's really kind. You can have a great conversation with her, that's why this depressed girl who just started Quibblo already has her as a top friend.

And to the others, yeah. I don't know about you, or maybe I do, but I really don't know your personality.

I hold grudges, that's true. And I'm a very bitter person. Not much people wanted to be my friend, not unless I took the first step, but I've never taken the first step that much. And when I did once, I failed. The first girl I talked about was a sort-of outgoing one. She started getting close with me by messages about a story we were doing - which isn't close to getting updated, by the way. We don't know what happened. But yes, by the planning and sending out messages about the story, we started to get to know each other. And BAM! We're terribly close friends - but I don't know her side. But I love her.

And to you, if you've read through all that rambling, thank you. Though I don't think you got the reason why I even wrote this story... Even I don't know why. But this is probably an apology, not to you, but to Keli about my selfishness. She's gone. Lily_Luna is gone. The girl who plays softball and the one who blamed me for getting a D on her finals.

Yes, she blamed me for her grade.

No, I don't think I'm responsible.

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