The Strength To Say Goodbye

The Strength To Say Goodbye

When I first saw you, I was afraid to meet you
When I first met you, I was afraid to kiss you
When I first kissed you, I was afraid to love you
But now that I love you...
I'm afraid to lose you

Chapter 2

~#~#

by: Subrina
Anthony

A week had passed since... since...

I didn't do much after... what happened. I sat on my bed. I looked out the window. Occasionally, I would look at the woven bracelet that Elena had made me for my birthday. Elena. I tried not to picture her beautiful face, and her adorable smile. I tried not to think about how her long brown hair was always as smooth as silk, and how I had loved to run my hands through it when I talked to her. I tried not to think about her strange, but alluring, dark purple eyes. I tried not to think about these things because, if I did, I would just start to cry again.

I had picked up the bracelet yesterday, and had shunned it since. It had smelled like her, and I had instantly thrown it to the ground, not wanting to lapse into a crying coma. After I had regained myself, I had gently put it on my dresser, not touching it since. I didn't want to smell her sweet scent, the scent of dew and flowers. But I didn't want to get rid of the scent either. Many times I was tempted to spray the bracelet with Febreeze, but I had always chickened out and sat back down on my bed.

My parents were worried about me, as they should be. The first few days, they had come into my room and checked on me, leaving me some food, usually some green tea, soup, and fresh baked bread. I would eat the food, but it didn't have any flavor anymore. My parents would stay in my room for what seemed like hours, just staring at me. Well, that eventually started to creep me out so one day I decided to lock my door. When they noticed they couldn't get it, they screamed and slammed on the door, afraid that I would go suicidal or something.

Suicide was always an option, whispers in the back of my head. But what would that accomplish? It would just make my parents be sad, and all my friends, and all my relatives. I didn't want to ruin their lives. I didn't want them to turn out like me. Some nights, I dreamed about Elena. We were sitting in a green clearing and the grass was so soft, but not as soft as her hair. She looked at me with those beautiful purple eyes as I played with her hair. I tried to talk to her, but she just smiled at me, almost like she didn't even hear me. Every time I woke up, my pillow was wet with my tears and my throat hurt from all of my screams.

My cell phone vibrated, breaking my train of thought. I picked it up and noticed it was a call from my best friend (and Elena's older brother) Mark. I groaned. I had told him not to call me. I picked it up but didn't say anything.

"Anthony, my man, I know you're there."

"What do you want, you selfish ass hole?" I said, speaking through clenched teeth. Mark laughed, making me more angry. "Mark, you listen to me because I'm only going to say this once. I do not want you calling me when I'm depressed. Do you really want me to kill myself?" I asked, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples.

"Oh come on bro, you wouldn't do that."

"Oh really? And why not?"

"You would miss me." He said, and I could hear his smile. I almost screamed.

"Ok, that's it. My parents are at work right now. Listen I've got to go. I'm going to get a knife from downstairs. Do me a favor and mop up my blood to save my parents the trouble." I said, almost smiling.

"I've made my decision." Mark said quickly. I listened. "I'm coming over Anthony, and there's nothing you can do about it." He said, laughing.

"Mark no! Mark!" I screamed into my phone. He had hung up, and I stuffed my phone into my pocket and screamed into my pillow. Mark could be so stupid sometimes. I didn't understand him. He had adored Elena, more than any brother had ever loved a sister. They were inseparable. But for the last week he had been... just fine. He wasn't depressed like his parents.

His parents were so depressed that they had moved away from all the things that would remind them of Elena. And what would remind them more of their daughter than their son? Yes, Mark's parents had abandoned him. They had moved to Florida and left him their house and cars. They payed all the bills and gave him money to burn, since the family was so rich. Mark lived on his own and I bet he loved it.

A tap on my window made me jump. Mark smiled outside the window, his cheeks and nose red from the cold. He was perched in the tree outside my window that Elena herself had used to sneak into my room so many times before. I glared at Mark and he laughed, hitting the window. I stood up, walked over, and opened the window. Cold air blew in as Mark hopped in along with it. He was only wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. God, he must be freezing. Then again, I was only wearing a T-shirt and jeans too. At least I was inside. I closed the window and turned to face him. He hadn't changed.

He had the same purple eyes as Elena. They both had the same dark chocolate brown hair. You would think it was black if someone didn't point out to you that it was really brown. He was muscular and really good looking. He stood tall and always had a sarcastic comment for everything, and a smirk to go with it. I watched as he shook his head like a dog, getting the powdery snow all over the floor of my room.

"Thanks." I said, glaring at him. He just smiled and made himself comfortable in the comfiest chair in my room. I sat on my bed. Mark looked around and grinned.

"I don't see a knife anywhere. Good thing too. You would have missed me so much." He said, smirking. I groaned and put my head in my hands. Elena used to do the same smirk when she was making fun of me. I resisted the urge to punch Mark in the face. "Anthony. Seriously, listen to me. You need to get out of this room and do something. You're going to get fat dude." He said, and when I looked up at him he was wearing an expression that said, ' Do you really want that? '. I rolled my eyes and through a pillow at him. He winced and fell onto the floor. "Oh, God. My arm. I think you broke it."

"Good." I said, trying not to smile. Mark knew that I loved it when he pretended to get hurt. Mark winced and I threw another pillow at him. He squealed like a little girl and I burst out laughing. Mark laughed along with me and when I realized that I was laughing, I scowled. I wasn't supposed to be happy, I was being depressed. Mark smiled. "Dude, doesn't it feel good to smile again? To laugh?" He said, getting up and sitting next to me. I didn't want to look at those deep purple eyes. I hit Mark and he squealed again. A smile escaped my lips and Mark grinned.

My phone fell out of my pocket and Mark picked it up. He looked at the screen and raised his eyebrows. "What's this about dude?" He asked. I took my phone and looked at a text that I had gotten yesterday.

From: Kayla Barry
Subject: Hope you feel better!!

Hey Anthony,
I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about Elena, she was such a sweet girl and I know how much she meant to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can count on me, okay? Call me whenever you want, I'll be here for you!

Love,
Kayla


When I finished reading the text I groaned. Mark closed it and poked me. "That girl is obsessed with you bro. Oh Anthony! If you ever need someone to talk to, call me!" He said, mimicking Kayla's squeaky voice. I rolled my eyes.

"I never responded. She sort of creeps me out, you know? She's always saying how she's here for me and crap. She doesn't understand that I don't like her." I said, groaning. Mark shrugged and looked out the window at the snow. I still didn't believe how well he had taken to Elena's... passing. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about how my girlfriend has pointed a gun at me.

"What was the last thing she said to you?" Mark asked, making me look up. His eyes were sad and he was staring at his shoes. I let out a breath.

"She said, ' Like I said, we'll meet again.' Then she said said goodbye and that she loved me. Why?" Her words were branded into my brain. Mark just looked out the window.

"I should get going. It's going to be dark soon, and I don't want to walk through the woods at night." He said, opening the window. I shivered.

"You've never had a problem with the woods before." I said, watching him climb into the tree. I leaned out the window and he looked up at me.

"You never know who's out there." He said quietly, so that I could barely hear him. The air seemed colder as Mark climbed and pulled his hood up, crunching through the snow. I closed the window after a while, with goosebumps on my skin. I sat on my bed, thinking about what Elena had last said to me. She had said that we would meet again. In Heaven? Hmph. I had stopped believing in God when he had taken Elena from me. I curled myself into a ball, ready to be a slave to my dreams of the girl I loved.

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