My Hidden Self
Warning: If you do not like transgender people or the idea freaks you out, please do not read this story. In case you don't know, transgender means to be identified with a gender other than your biological one.
Zack Davis is just like every other teenager. He is discovering more about himself and learning how to grow up. There is just one difference; Zack is transgender. He really is a girl on the inside. This is the story of a young transgendered person and the struggles she must face.
Improvement In Me
I met my sisters in front of the school. Molly and Claire seemed to be in good spirits. I felt pretty good as well.
"So did you meet any new friends?" Molly asked.
"Yeah, there's this one kid name Sasha. He- I mean she- is nice. We really hit it off."
"Oh, I see." Claire winked at me. "Wow Zack, you really get girlfriends fast."
"No, she's just a friend!" I insisted. "We just have a lot in common, that's all."
Claire laughed. "Don't be so defensive. I was just kidding."
My cheeks went flush.
Molly glared at her twin. "Stop tormenting our little brother! He obviously is getting into the stage where he feels awkward around girls. You need to be sensitive to that."
"Well then this is good experience for him then," Claire argued. "He should learn how handle himself around girls like me."
I felt like disappearing. My sisters always had a habit of making things awkward for me. Claire loved to make me feel uncomfortable then Molly only made it worse by scolding Claire about how 'sensitive' I was. I guess family was supposed to embarrass you though.
Claire and Molly also loved to bicker. They may have been twins but they were very different. Claire loved to annoy people and had a good sense of humor. She was never hesitant to stand up for herself. She also was a bit of a thrill seeker. Molly was very responsible and rigid. She never disobeyed the rules. She constantly scolded Claire and me because she thought we needed 'guidance.'
After a seemingly endless walk home, we finally arrived at our house. I wanted to head inside my room and text Sasha. My mother told me my father had called though and wanted me to mow the lawn.
I groaned. "But Mom, can't Molly or Claire do it? I did it last week."
"No, it's your job. You and dad are in charge of yard work," my mother reminded me.
"Alright," I muttered.
"And don't forget to practice baseball after you finish," my mom said.
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."
The last I wanted to do was more baseball.
After I finished with the lawn and half-heartedly ran some baseball drills, I slipped into my bedroom. I shut the door and plopped down on my bed. I spent the rest of the day texting Sasha. It was so enjoyable to talk to him. We never ran out of conversational topics.
Sasha sent me links to different websites about transgendered people. I looked them up on the laptopI shared with my sisters. There were all different kinds of sites about being transgender. I read stories of people who felt just like me. I learned I was called a mtf (male-to-female) or transwoman. Other mtfs felt just like how I did. I read stories of ftms (female-to-male) that described Sasha so well.
I made sure to delete the history on the computer. I did not want my sisters seeing I had went to those websites. That would end horribly, especially if my parents found out.
For the next couple months Sasha and I were inseparable. We hung out all day at school and texted when we arrived home. He and I never tired of each other. He embraced me for who I was. I no longer was lonely or angry. Sasha and I even formed our own group of friends. They were all nice kids, unlike the popular jerks I hung out with in Middle School.
My relationship with my sisters improved. I told them a lot about Sasha and how school was going. They told me about their lives as well. Claire told me about her new boyfriend. He was a senior. She knew mom and dad wouldn't like him. He had gotten held back a year and sometimes got into trouble. Claire only trusted me with this information. Molly didn't even know. I was happy Claire trusted me enough to tell me that.
I managed to talk my way out of mowing the law. Claire volunteered for the job and we convinced our parents she was better suited for it. I would then take over her duty of vacuuming the house. I would much rather vacuum than mow and Molly preferred the mowing. It worked out for both of us.
I was able to put up with my dad's version of baseball bootcamp. Now that I had Sasha, I tolerate a lot more things. I even enjoyed the time with my dad. I did not like the baseball part but I managed to ignore those negative feelings.
School work went well too. Sasha and I helped each other in subjects one of us struggled in. I helped him in English and he helped me in Math. I was able to bring home all A's on my 1st quarter report card. I had never accomplished that before.
For the first time since I was little, I felt happy.