Moonshine - Remus Lupin's Struggle

I dunno why but Lupin's sorta my favorite character, and I really feel that there's so much more to his life than we'll ever really know. He's full of compassion for others, yet has no love for himself. That's it. There's the selling point, I guess. He's a relatable guy. After all, we all have an uglier side we try to keep subdued.

My story takes place back when Remus and all them were at Hogwarts. I feel weird writing this, but if ppl like the story i'll keep it up.

Chapter 1

Better Off Alone

The sun beat down hot on one of the last beautiful days in September. Most all of the Hogwarts students had arranged themselves around the castle, each competing for the best slice of sunshine. Remus Lupin was smiling placidly at the sky, his eyes squinting. He could feel the sun warming his robes and see his prefect badge gleaming brightly against the vivid green grass. First years nearby were laughing and singing a made-up song about enchanted rain, while a couple of Hufflepuffs debated the best way to remove potion stains. For just this moment, everything was well. The year ahead seemed alight with promise.
"Oi, Moony! Get over here!"
Remus turned around only to be greeted by the familiar faces of his friends. James Potter had his hand over his eyes to shield out the sun which reflected clearly across his rounded spectacles. His hair was extra messy, meaning Lily Evans had to be near by. Sirius Black stood by his side, his arms folded in their usual moody manner. Lagging behind the bunch was tubby Peter Pettigrew, who by the looks of it had just run down hill to catch up with the rest of the gang. He was greatly out of breath and leaned against Sirius's shoulder huffing and puffing, which made Sirius anything but happy.
"C'mon! We're going over by the lake!" James shouted, waving Remus over.
Remus cracked a sideways smile. "Just a moment."
He turned one last time towards the sun, breathing in the musty mountain-like air as he basked in the warmth one last time.
"Alright," he called over his shoulder, "I'm coming."
He ran over to his friends, books in hand.
"Those are just for show, right?" Sirius said, gesturing to Remus's pile of books.
"If they were just for show, don't you think I would've brought my lighter books?" Remus said, smiling weakly.
"Oh, come off it, Remus. You can't study today. Look around you. Do you see anyone else reading?" said Sirius.
"We have our O.W.L.'s this year. It's nothing to take lightly."
"Yeah, sure, in, let me see here, about a year. Just study the month before the exams like everyone else, why don't you?"
"Oh, layoff him, Padfoot," James said seriously as he ruffled his hair.
Remus gave James a quick appreciative look. Only James fully understood why Remus always seemed to have more work to do. A full moon was fast approaching, and after a midnight transformation, Remus would be too worn out to attend classes for a while. Missing that much school and still maintaining his grades was not an easy task. Last year, he made a near-deadly mistake in Potions that cost him his left eyebrow and ten points for Gryffindor. Remus was determined never to repeat the incident, especially not in front of the smartest girl in the class, Lily Evans.
Remus never really liked Lily Evans. Maybe once in his first year, but nearly everyone did back then before it became clear James had marked her as his own. She was brilliant and beautiful, but unobtainable. She had never shown an interest in any boy, not even James. Remus wondered what exactly her standards were if James Potter wasn't good enough for her. James was on the Quidditch team, surprisingly popular, and one of the best students without even trying. Yet the only boy Lily ever talked to was as low as it gets on the popularity chart. Severus Snape was a greasy nosed fellow with an awkward, lanky gait. If that was her type, Remus was sure he didn't want to be the object of Lily's affection. Nevertheless, even if he had no interest in Lily Evans, Remus didn't want her to think was a complete idiot....
"What were you doing back there anyway, Remus?" Sirius asked lazily.
"Back where?" asked Remus, who had been lost in thought for some time.
"This morning at breakfast, we told you to meet us by the lake. Why weren't you over there?"
"Maybe he got lost," James laughed.
"Oh, that's right!" Sirius said with a barking laugh. "I have the map this week, don't I? If you needed it so bad, you could've asked for it, Remus."
Remus rolled his eyes. "I wasn't lost. It was just nice over there."
"Ah, I know what that means," James said with a wink.
"I reckon James thinks it's nicer by the lake," Sirius said, looking over towards where Lily Evans sat. "Scenery's better."
Peter, who had been albeit silent until now, chuckled. James punched Sirius jokingly before saying, "So who is she?"
Remus's face fell as he twisted his lips. "There's no one. I'm telling you, it was warmer over there."
Sirius searched his face and said, "Bah, I should've known better. You never fancy anyone."
"Neither do you," put in Remus defensively.
"Yeah, but it's weird you don't, you being all sentimental and what not."
"Well, yeah. James and I were just saying that, weren't we James?"
"Sure, yeah," said James who was now preoccupied with kicking stones in Lily's direction.
Sirius shook his head at his love-struck friend and continued, "You're always going on about how everyone should respect and love one another despite their background and all that flowery stuff."
"I hope I'm not the only one who thinks we should all be treated equally," Remus said crossly.
"Take today for instance," said Sirius with disregard. "You just embraced the sun. If that's not lovey dovey, what is?"
"You just don't get it," Remus said, starting to get embarrassed.
Remus's friends could not understand what it meant to him to be in the sunlight. It was the very opposite of his greatest fear and brought him comfort. The moon brought only troubles for him. The sun had always been his savior.
Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Remus pulled at the collar of his robes and said, "Gosh these books are really heavy."
He knew he wouldn't need to say more. In a split second Peter took his books, squeaking, "I'll carry 'em!"
"Thanks," Remus said, keeping his eyes on the ground.
"You know what I mean, right?" asked Sirius, slightly aware that he had offended Remus.
"Yeah, sure. You're just saying how I've never been in love. Please, continue," snapped Remus.
"Well, you know," said Sirius, looking surprised, "some guys like you and me are just better off alone."
Remus felt his heart drop low into his chest as Sirius's words impacted him. Were they true? James never had problems with girls, and as much as he wouldn't like to admit it, Sirius practically had his own fanclub. Even grubby Peter had a girlfriend! Although she was a fat-faced girl with ratty hair, she was a girlfriend. It seemed that Remus was the only boy at Hogwarts without someone to love him. Maybe there was a reason.
With a sigh Remus agreed, "Yeah. Maybe some of us are better off alone."

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