Who I Am

Chapter 1

The Beginning

“Bad things are always going to happen in life. People will hurt you. But you can't use that as an excuse to fail or to hurt someone back. You'll only hurt yourself.” -Author Unknown

Things happen. Sometimes they can be explained, sometimes they can't. Bad things happen to good people all the time. They don't deserve it. Same for the bad people. They have good things happen to them, undeservedly. As for me, I believe that there are no good people or bad people. There are no good things or bad things. There are just coincidences. Things that just happen and are judged to be good or bad. It all depends on the eyes of the beholder.

“I've learned that good-byes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.” -Author Unknown

But what happens when you don't get a chance to say goodbye? What happens if you don't have the memories to look back on? Can you still feel the hurt? How is it possible to miss something you never knew? Maybe it isn't. Maybe its not missing something, but perhaps having a want or need to have that thing in your life so badly that you start to miss it without ever first having it.

“Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.” -Author Unknown

If that's true, why have I never been happy? It must all be a lie... There is no such thing as happiness. If so, why have I never experienced it? All of those nights crying, hurting, searching, wanting what I couldn't have, wanting something more. No, I never have truly been happy.

Some days, I look in the mirror and wonder, "Why? Why me?" I just don't understand why bad things always have to happen to me. Just once I'd like to be able to feel the joy that I've heard about from the others. Just once I'd like my smile to be more than just an outward showing, but a warm feeling inside as well. But anyway, I'll never find that happiness. Never.

My name is Jimmy, and this is my story....

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