Am I the only one who finds Santa creepy?

Okay, well it is Christmas tomorrow (at the time of making this) so merry Christmas and all that and I don't mean to give you a Nightmare Before Christmas (no pun on the Tim Burton movie intended), but is it just me, or is Santa just a bit creepy?

I mean, think about... Think about everything you have ever been told about Santa. Think of some of the songs about him...

Well anyway, I will discuss what I find so scary about the claus in my one and only chapter...

Chapter 1

Santa Claws

Right, first I just wanna say that if are under the age of 13, I am not reasonable for any nightmares you might have. If you are over the age of 13 and still have nightmares, I am not responsible for that either, but if any parents get angry about their kids having dreams about Santa shooting them, I just want to point something out... I am not responsible, oookay? I don't invent dreams, believe it or not. It is up to you whether you want to read this or not so it is not my fault in any way if you do decide to read it and get nightmares, blah, blah, blah!

So anyway... First of all, according to the song 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' Santa sees you when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake. Doesn't anybody find that just a bit disturbing? I don't know about you, but the thought of being constantly spied on by some fat man with a beard is rather... Creepy...

Secondly, and is it just me, or does Santa only ever seem to visit the homes of children at Christmas according to movies/books/whatevers? Does anybody think that Santa might be... A... A.... A peado?

Thirdly, now please don't get scared when Santa comes to visit tonight, but... Has anybody ever heard the song 'Don't Shoot Me Santa' by the Killers? It might just make you scared of Santa for the rest of your life... If you haven't heard it already, listen to it at your own risk.

Fourthly, what is with the chimneys? Does Santa decide to slide down them so he can get in and out of the house without being detected? I mean, if he decided to bash the front door down, the burglar alarm would go off in a heartbeat. Now, I myself have never had any real chimneys in any of the houses that I've lived in. Maybe that is why Santa never came to visit me Christmas eve...

Fifthly, why does Santa say 'ho ho ho'? It sounds so menacing... It sounds like what the British guy with the white cat in the James Bond movie might say if he was an old man and found it hard to laugh probably. Maybe, just maybe, Santa is not saying 'ho ho ho' in a jolly way, but in an evil way... I mean, why is Santa so fat anyway? Do you think maybe he...? gulps Eats children?!?! =O

And finally, does Santa give away free Robert Pattinsons for Christmas? Now, I am sure this is gonna raise a few 'wtfs?' but bare with me and allow me to explain... I am sure you have all heard the new song 'Oh Santa!' by Mariah Carey. No? Well go listen to it now or else, mmkay? So anyway... The chorus is 'Santa's gonna come and make him mine this Christmas!' and during the song, Mariah says the lyrics: 'So you can scoop him up And scoop him right down my chimney' Now, anybody find that creepy?
No? Well how would you like it if you were in bed sleeping, dreaming of cupcakes one Christmas eve and suddenly you are woken up to be smoldered by an old fat man, binded with rope so you can't except, wrapped up nicely with a little bow on top, thrown in an old sack and then thrown down someone's chimney as a present? Exactly!
That said, maybe all you Twihard fangirls better be really, really good next year and ask Santa if he can scoop up Robert Pattinson and send him down your chimney...


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