Kill Me.

A boy with a dark life has found the smallest ray of sunlight in his pain. When the girl who brought him the only happiness he has ever known is gone forever, there's nothing left but darkness to return to.

Chapter 1

Regret

by: Lawli_pop
I can't believe I was so stupid.... I should have known something like this would happen. There are so many things I wish I could tell you; so many words I never got to say. You'll never know how much I truly love you, and I can never see you again. You're completely gone from my life, and I cry myself to sleep at night wishing that somehow I could bring you back.

You meant more to me than I could ever have imagined. I can never be the same without you. And it's all my fault you're gone. I was such an idiot. I acted without thinking and it cost me everything. Often I dream that you're still here by my side. But I reach out to you and feel nothing. I call to you, but you never answer. You just stand there, smiling at me. You aren't really there, and I only realize that when I bolt upright in bed calling out your name into the darkness.

You loved me, you told me so. And I loved you. You were everything to me. When I told you nothing could ever end our friendship, I wasn't lying. What I hadn't thought of was the possibility that something could take you away from me. And when I had least expected it, something did. You were snatched from my grasp and I could do nothing to stop it from happening. I think about you every day with tears in my eyes, wondering where you are now. Will I ever know? Are you in a good place, or have things gone downward for you? Do I ever cross your mind, or have you forgotten that I even exist?

I wish I could turn back time and tell you just how much you mean to me. To show you how much I really love you. I had been so stupid all that time ago; I never thought something like this might happen. So of course, it did. I knew people didn't want us to be together, but I never considered the idea that they would act to prevent our love for eachother. Yeah, this might sound like some stupid sappy love letter, but I don't care anymore. I mean every word of it. I hate myself for my decisions, I screwed everything up. My life has been a complete mess without you here to bring back my smile. I don't talk anymore, and people wonder why I'm so quiet. All my joy and energy was you. You were taken away from me because of what I did and I can never get you back no matter how hard I try.

If only I could tell you. If only you knew.

I can't go through life knowing it's my fault you're gone forever. But I'm too afraid of the pain. I'm too scared for suicide. Running away.... what is there that I can get away from? What's done is done. It can't be reversed. Kill me. Someone else do it. Just kill me and get it over with.

My life was a mess already. I've made so many mistakes, screwed up so many times, I've been ruining my own life little by little and I didn't even realize until I had lost everything. I have done so many things I would rather die than do again. People have hurt me so much that I'm not even sure that I can feel anymore. For each time that I messed up and each time someone has taken advantage of me, a scar marks my wrist. I can't find any more space to put another there, so I just cut over them. Yeah, I had a sucky life. I've been pushed past my limits by people I thought I could trust. But you brought that small spark of happiness into my life in the midst of all the pain. You loved me when no one else did. You protected me when no one else cared. You were there when I was hurting. You never judged me and you were my best friend.
...Now there's no one there to hear me screaming.
You're gone forever. And there's nothing I can do about it.
No one's there to take me away from my world of terror and darkness. My life is once again a horror story-- a room with no windows, no light, and no way out.
Please just kill me. I can't take it anymore.

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